I think the biggest thing that is really annoying about dating is that there’s this stereotype that guys should know exactly what to do all the time. And the idea that they should know what to do at all, in general, without any research is bologna.
I bitch on this show a ton, at least for women about what the biggest lie is. I say like the biggest lie is Disney fucked up every girl ever, because they told us at a young age that a dude was going to come gallivanting on a horse and come get you from a tower somewhere.
This bullshit stuff like really, we don’t think that stuff is real, but we think that stuff is real. And if anything, less than stellar then happens. It’s The wrong thing, which is bullshit. That’s not right. Let’s course correct.
What is the lie that culture tells men about falling in love? From the guy’s perspective, what’s the biggest lie?
Similar to what you said, right? And I’m actually working with a client right now that sort of fits this lie perfectly.
Because he hired me. He’s been dating a girl for about six months and she continually puts the brakes on, she won’t end it with him, but she’ll go through points where she’ll say, Hey, let’s slow things down. Let’s not do couply of things. Let’s not get physical. Let’s just be friends for a little while and see where it goes.
And he hires me and he’s was just so in love with her and, he shows me her messages and he says I’m the perfect guy, I wake her up in the morning with a happy message. And he’s got this idea that being the perfect guy is enough. That it, it creates attraction, but attraction has nothing to do with a checklist of Oh, Oh he checks this box.
He’s nice, he’s considerate and we both liked this type of music, right? Like guys tend to think that if you check enough boxes and you have enough in common, that’s really what it is, but attraction is all psychological, it’s really going through her own head.
And the funny thing is, and this is I know you work with both men and women. It’s interesting. Cause like it’s the same side, right? Women will always go. You know the answer to the same complaints. And guys always think it’s the woman that is, the pulling away the one in the woman always thinks this, but what they both don’t realize is wait a minute.
Like I’m attracted to a woman who plays a little hard to get. When a woman starts pulling away, it makes me want her more. When she doesn’t answer my texts one night, I’m sitting there I start getting scared, I’m actually building her up in my mind. She’s becoming more attracted the longer I’m waiting, and going.
Why isn’t she texted her back? But for some reason it’s so hard for a guy. When I tell a guy, listen, just because she texted you right now. You don’t have to immediately respond. If I don’t, she’s gonna, she might think I’m not interested.
I go when she doesn’t respond to you, what do you do? He goes, I just sit there looking at my phone every five minutes. I’m like, okay. Give her that gift. She wants that, that’s, she needs, I’m not saying all the time, but that anticipation, they need that. And I think that the fault, is a lot of guys take away that anticipation, right?
They give her nothing to think about. They give her nothing to anticipate. And eventually, she goes, Oh, I don’t really miss this guy when he’s not around.